So I continue my work replacing precious lost records burned and destroyed by the great fires of 2000 – 2002. Last month eBay ate my homework. I’ve been nothing but reaping the rewards of this too. I gladly feed the hungry beast.

But today – so weird. My Orchids / Epicurean double LP arrived with the usual, “Thanks for the business!” card inside. But this time the card offered a free video to a better family life courtesy of The Church of Later-Day Saints.


Since when do the Later-Day Saints collect Sarah records? It’s this LP that even features the sweet little quote, “the philosophy of Epicureans taught that the highest good is temporal happiness which is to be achieved by the practise [sic] of virtues.” Or am I missing something? Is this card part of a collectible piece complementing the Epicurean philosophy and I’m just not hip to it? I’m cool with that. Just let me know.

But I don’t think so.

So also please tell me what part of, “Pristine Christine,” is conjuring Beelzebub? Is it those FIERCE opening guitar licks? They do make me scream… What about songs like, “Say Yes to Everything”? Whenever I hear it I think, “Why not?!” Isn’t that the point? And it’s always about love too. Yes. Yes it is. It’s always soft, there’s always sunshine, you’re always walking in it and when you’re not, it’s the music’s sanguine melody – I’m thinking Field Mice here – that’ll grant you any necessary salvation anyway. There’s no harm from tremendous reverb, poppy snares and infinite optimism. Not since I last checked. The free video seems completely unnecessary. I get a better family simply by just placing the needle on the record.

Wait a minute! WOW! That could be a great campaign! These guys are totally missing it:

“Put the needle on the record, not your arm!”

Who’s with me?

But I should say before I continue to hastily mock this group of anti-masturbatory zealots a.k.a. The Mormons – absolutely no relation to The Monks – I must acknowledge and give praise to at least one of their flock for capturing an unforeseen amazing story of Rock N’ Roll with the film, “New York Doll.” [Tell it to us Tracy!] If you haven’t seen it, you’re only hurting yourself. This movie is absolutely overwhelming and will utterly destroy you. It’s a sweet salve featuring fabulous true tales of glam all over it. It also features David Johansen with a little spittle in the corner of his mouth sometimes. You don’t want to miss that. Out on DVD soon.

Further disproving my point, the sweet, peculiar gent who took me up and furthered my education for all of this pretty music is presently enjoying a lockdown rehab plan, nursing the psychotic wounds of a real nice speed addiction. So I’ll admit, my theory is not fact. This poppy little music collector is certainly no saint as my philosophy of the music might try to insist. And me? I’ll just say pretty pop’s not my only vice. Still, with this mean caffeine addiction of mine and love of broccoli issues, I think perhaps my eBay seller was thinking more about my friend instead of me. I’ll be sure to forward the card.


One thought on “The Church Of Rock N’ Roll.

  1. I’ve been listening to The Orchids on Last.fm for the past couple of months. I picked up Epicurean about a week ago from Just The Disc.com. I was surprised to find it was an original, Sarah records release, and not a reissue. I immediately made a copy and filed the original. Ever since, the CD-R copy hasn’t left my side. Very beautiful stuff. Started to watch New York Doll, but was interrupted. Luckily, It’s currently archived on Comcast’s On Demand.

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